Game Over
by purestarshine
Summary: Draco is left alone with his thoughts about his family and 4 people we all know too well...Who would have thought. It´s all been done before.


***DisclaimerI don´t own anything. I don´t make any money with this piece of shit and I guess you figured that out *.* ***A/N: It´s the first fiction I ever wrote so.Don´t be TOO hard on me-tell me if you think it sucked though. I also have to tell you that I am German and the English is far from perfect so just pretend you didn´t see the wrong spelling and tenses, okay? Thanks.  
  
BORED to death. That would make a good headline in the daily prophet ,wouldn´t it? It comes close to what I am experiencing right now. Sitting in a cell in the dungeons beneath Malfoy Manor. Don´t think it´s one of the ordinary cells down here. Yes, there are no windows but no, it´s not dark. There are a couple of black candles lighting the room up a bit, creating shadows of me dancing at the walls. It´s not scary. The shadows I mean. It´s just me. Nothing else.  
  
And that´s exactly the point. It´s not dirty down here, just cold stone floor, stone walls, stone everything. And me. Alone with my thoughts. There´s no distraction from them here. No dust to write things into in boredom, no pattern of the stones out of place. Everything is perfect. See, Lucius is all about style and class He might be an asshole but he even punished his son with style. He brought me here to think about my actions. This particular time I had to attend one of the dinners with his death eater friends. I didn´t feel like joining their conversation but when asked I somehow let something about me not being too fond of meeting Voldemort slip. Bad mistake. Lucius gave me quite a speech about loyalty and respect and then brought me here. As I told you-to think.  
  
He took my wand, all I have are the clothes I wear but they are not exciting to look at. Plain black robes. When I am here, I am supposed to be forced to think of whatever he wants me to think about that time. I spent a great deal of my holidays in this very cell. I guess you think it´s not that bad, I can think of hot girls and play with myself after all, or let my mind create stories.. But in fact I can´t. You do things like that when you are free to do them. In a way. Here they are the only other choice I have if I don´t think about what I am in here for but for some strange reason I always end up thinking about Lucius and what I did to deserve this treatment.  
  
I read your thoughts again:At least he doesn´t beat me,right? Oh yeah, he doesn´t. He would need to touch me for that, and it would be a sign of emotions. A negative one but still it´s an emotion to be angry, right? Malfoys don´t show emotions. period.We are supposed to be cold. And I am not. That´s why I`m here so often, I guess. I let my emotions and wants and needs control me. I do get food here. Lucius needs to keep his only heir healthy of course. I might be unworthy but he can´t convince Narcissa to give birth to another child. She hates me. I absorb money-money she wants to spend in shopping sprees with her girlfriends to show off. I caused her a lot of pain during my birth, in fact I nearly killed her but when I think of that now it makes me smile.  
  
Narcissa was never pleased to have a stupid boy. Lucius was relatively happy- at least a heir but that´s all I am to him. An object. Not human. Whenever I let him know that I have my own personality and view of things it enraged him. Narcissa always wanted a girl to dress up,to show off. Her little princess. But I wasn´t that´s why she ignored me. Her girlfriends thought I was "sooo adorable!" but Narcissa never thought so.  
  
The press is all about my oh-so-famous-pureblood family, so I have to work hard to maintain our image. In public both Lucius and Narcissa try harder to pretend they love me, are proud of me but whoever would have a closer look atone of our family portraits would notice what is really going on.  
  
All I ever do is dissapoint my parents. I`m not indifferent to pain or humiliation. At school I can hide that by hurting other people before they get a chance to hurt me. Sometimes I do feel sorry, but then again: Who ever felt sorry for me? Maybe Snape does. He favours me. Not because I am Slytherin, not because of my father. But because he sees who I really am and I am just like him. Ever wondered why he never gives me detention? He thinks I am punished enough with my life as it is. He sees that everybody hates me with a passion- teachers included. I respect Snape. He´s the only one at Hogwarts-excluding me and some other Slytherins- who hates Potty, the mudblood and the weasel.  
  
Well. I love them. I`m screwed up, I hate my "loved ones" and I love my enemies-and everybody hates ME but the shit I told you about my dearest family should be explanation enough. Time to turn to my enemies.  
  
The Weasel. He´s ugly, he´s poor. but in a way that´s what I am. He´s got a loving family. I don´t think I would trade our family fortune for that (HEY I was brought up like that don´t blame me for loving money,I bet you do,too!) but maybe half of it. The Weasel doesn´t know how to appreciate what he´s got. He´s non-stop complaining to his friends, which leads me to the next point: the Weasel´s got friends. And lots of them. Damn the fucking Griffindors and their friendliness. He´s on best-fucking-friends-ever terms with Potty and the Mudblood. They do everything together, protect each other,.all of that shit I don´t have. Who cares? I´m just MALFOY. I hate that name.  
  
Who cares?-that´s what Potty must have thought when he refused my friendship in first year. He broke me by doing so.He doesn´t even know but he did. Lucius always told me he was the "saviour of the lost mudblood souls".From the beginning. He wanted me to think Potty was worthless but in my head this sentence just made his value rise higher and higher. By the time I was eight I knew for sure I was lost. My destiny was sealed. I had no say. I thought of myself as a lost soul,too so it drew my attention to Lucius´ anti-Potter sentence. Saviour of the lost mudblood souls. Mudblood. ´Cause I am pureblood. But I already hated Lucius THEN. Having his blood flowing through my veins made it feel dirty. Mudblood. I put my hope into Potter, childishly believing he would save me when he met me. He was my hero.But he refused my friendship, refused to help me, refused to save me. He refused being my hero. I wasn´t worth it. That´s when my image of heroes and being saved shattered into a million pieces.  
  
In a way I just want to make him pay for everything, for making me believe in him. Of course he didn´t. My desperation did- but his life is so perfect., everybody loves him, even VOLDEMORT has been defeated by him more than once which makes Voldie himself respect Potty in a way. I`ll always be just a servant. Girl for everything and Potty is the king. With friends and a loving rest-family I believe. Heard he lives with his aunt, uncle and cousin. I bet they worship him like everybody else does. So I am the one to remind Potty that he is not the centre of the universe, even though he is. Merlin, I hate that guy. Because I love him. Everything he stands for.  
  
But I on the wrong side of it all, that´s why I hate him. And because he´ll propably be the mudblood´s boyfriend. Yeah, like hell I`m jealous! He never realized her true beauty. Her smile, the way she moved.. Chasing after Cho Chang. But one day he will. He´ll see in her what I always saw. She might seem like a know-it-all and she studies way too much.. but she´ll become of age. It won´t matter anymore and Potty is guaranteed to get her. She´s ben waiting after all.  
  
So now you think: If I really want her THAT bad-why don´t I treat her better, use my looks and my charms to get her? I could, couldn´t I? The truth is once again: I cannot. And once again it´s because of my family, who would have thought? Remember, this time I`m down here because I mentioned I don´t like Voldemort too much. Well,too bad because I am expected to become a death eather. Kill people like HER. That´s what Voldemort stands for. So does Lucius , and so I am to be just like them. If I told Lucius I am madly in love with the mudblood it won´t be just cruatius to make sure I remember what I thought of down here as usual- because that´s how sessions like this usually end-no, the day I would tell him it would be Avada Kedavra. Instantly.  
  
Still I go near her. She´s just too precious to me to resist. But then I have to remind me to stay away from her. So I call her Mudblood. It´s not really an insult as I consider myself mudblood- but whenever I call her that it reminds me of Lucius talking. Reminds me people like her are forbidden territory. I see the hurt in her eyes and I see I succeed in making her hate me. She,the only one I´ll ever love. But she has to hate me. If she loved me back we would have a relationship, of course. My father- sorry, Lucius-would know and he would kill me. And she would be all alone. And she would be hurt even more than she is now by my actions. I cannot risk that.  
  
For myself, I would do it, sure. I don´t mind dieing, especially if I die in the loving arms of HER. But I care for her too much to make her go through that. Sometimes I wonder why I haven´t killed myself yet. It´s no life. I could just go to Lucius, tell him I love the mudblood and he would end it for me, I wouldn´t have to turn anything against me to end this shit myself. I would propably be more famous than ever. The great Lucius Malfoy kills his own son.But I never go over with the plan. I promised myself not to die at his hands. If I die, I die because I want to. It would make Lucius mad to see I killed myself before he ever got a chance- that would be worth it. But for now I just want to get out of here. I am bored, I am trapped in my thoughts and the longer he keeps me in here the more depressed I get.  
  
I need to read a book. I need to draw something. I need to do ANYTHING to get my mind off her. Off them. Off everything. I need to get back to my pocket knife, mark being down here once again. On my arms. It´s alright, whenever I get back to my room after being here I feel nothing, but the blood reminds me that I am. Do I have a choice? Game Over, try again?  
  
****I started writing that today in 2 free lessons, I was bored, the usual shit. I thought of it to end there,.but I could go on If I thought of a plan, I guess. Tell me what you think :D xxAkshi 


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